‘We faced cancer together aged just 23 – our mum thought our family was cursed’

Most would greet the life-changing news that they have cancer at just 23 with terror. Sean Collard felt resignation. “It wasn’t as hard-hitting as it might have been,” he says. “I knew what was coming.” 

That’s because three weeks earlier, Sean’s twin brother Ryan had also been diagnosed with testicular cancer. Sean’s had been caught early but Ryan’s was already at Stage 3. So while most young men his age would be panicking at their own cancer diagnosis, Sean was more concerned about his brother’s. 

In June 2017, nine weeks prior, Ryan had just finished his NQT year and was looking forward to a well-earned summer holiday ahead of starting his first term as a fully qualified teacher in September. 

He was in good shape with nothing more than a few back pains from pushing himself too hard on the football pitch, until during a boat trip, his legs ceased to work. “I sat down and then for the next half hour I just couldn’t stand up,” Ryan explains. “I thought I’d been spiked but felt completely sober. Eventually, it passed and I could stand up again. It was weird but I felt normal again, so we didn’t really talk about it.”

Back at the family home just outside Durham a few weeks later, the twins were in the car together when Ryan’s body slumped. “My hand, my leg, my side all went numb, the side of my face felt like it was drooping,” he says. “I thought I was having a stroke. I couldn’t speak. I panicked. I knew things weren’t right.” 

Blood tests came back clear but the numbness kept returning, becoming a daily occurrence then multiple times per day. In these episodes Ryan would lose consciousness. That persistent back pain grew worse and worse. “The ambulance was called a few times and each time they’d take me in, put me on an IV, give me a scan, and everything would come back fine,” Ryan explains. 

Eventually he fainted in a hospital car park and ended up being rushed to a specialist. Three or four different doctors saw him, suggesting everything from epilepsy to STDs. “Eventually one doctor came in and she said ‘I’m sure it’s been done a thousand times, but has anyone felt your stomach yet?’” he explains. “I told her they hadn’t so she started pressing on my stomach and felt something.” 

Within hours he got another scan and was diagnosed with Stage 4 testicular cancer. The cancer had started in the testicle and spread to his groin and stomach. One of the tumours was protruding out of his stomach and pressing against his spine, hence the back pain. 

“I remember hearing those words and being shocked because cancer had never even been mentioned,” Ryan recalls. “I’m a 23-year-old, never smoked, never drank excessively and never done any drugs. I was clean to the bone. Why me?”

Testicular cancer is the most common cancer among young men (it affects one in 263 people with testicles, most often in their 20s and 30s) and is relatively well-known, frequently the target of “check your balls” campaigns, but Ryan never had the usual signs. “Not once did I have a heaviness or a lump,” he says. “The lump was round the back so I wouldn’t have been able to feel it.” 

Worst fears confirmed

Within days Ryan was taking his first course of chemotherapy. Sean visited to see him through his treatment. The morning after he went home, Sean found his own testicle had doubled in size. 

“I would probably have assumed it was an infection and it would go away,” admits Sean. “I think most blokes would brush it off and think it’d sort itself out. Who knows how far along that would have been?” 

After he explained to a doctor about his twin brother’s own recent diagnosis, Sean was told it “probably wasn’t anything to worry about – the chances of us both having cancer was like 0.001 per cent”. Still, for his peace of mind Sean was sent for a scan. Ten days later, his worst fears were confirmed.

“Ryan had it worse and his treatment was worse,” says Sean. “Seeing him going in for chemo, getting the canulas, seeing it all left me slightly prepared.”

With that in mind, Sean told his parents to stay with Ryan, who lives and works in London, while he had an orchiectomy alone in the North East. The surgery went well and while another small lump was detected, doctors weren’t worried. 

Meanwhile in the South, Ryan’s chemo was working – his back pain had vanished because the tumour in his stomach had shrunk. The bad news was that it wasn’t working fast enough. He’d need more. 

Financial aid

At this juncture, Macmillan Cancer Support came to Ryan’s aid. Like many patients, he was put in touch with counselling and advice, but he’s most grateful for their financial support. “When you’re going through chemo, you can’t work, so how are you going to pay your rent?” he says. “Work pays you for a certain amount of time, then it goes down to half or statutory pay. I’d only been working for a year, before that I was a student, so I wasn’t made of money. Macmillan helping me access bursaries and personal independence payment was a lifeline.” 

By Christmas, Ryan was on his third round of chemotherapy. It wasn’t working. Then, his doctor offered him a stem cell transplant, a new procedure which might kill his cancer for good, but it’d also wipe out his immune system and he’d need new stem cells to recover. “It was a golden ticket to being cured and I snatched it,” he recalls. “I was already in the worst place ever, feeling terrible from the chemo. Why not?”

Ryan was in the hospital for 20 days. “I remember hallucinating the entire time. It was like a horror film, an out-of-body experience.” His immune system was so low any infection would kill him. No one could visit except doctors and cleaners who came morning, noon and night. “One night my temperature spiked and I remember thinking ‘I’m going to die alone in the middle of the night’,” he says.

By the end, though, Ryan’s cancer was technically in remission. However, the two masses in his stomach and groin were still present. “If they left them inside me the cancer had a foothold to come back,” he explains. He was offered another stem cell transplant but at this point, after experiencing side-effects including hearing loss and numbness in his hands and feet, decided he couldn’t take it. 

The other option was to surgically remove the tumours. The operation was not without its risks: because one tumour was coiled around his kidney, he might lose the organ. There was also a nerve which, if severed, would cause retrograde ejaculation and impair Ryan’s fertility. “It wasn’t a real choice, I had to take one of the bad options, so I took the surgery,” he says. 

In the end, both “worst case” options happened. He lost the kidney and the nerve was severed. Still, Ryan was now officially in remission. The cancer was gone. 

'Cursed'

In July 2018, just as the Collard family gathered to celebrate, it was Sean’s turn to receive more devastating news. The lump that had been found earlier had grown, and he needed a course of chemotherapy. “My dad was completely beside himself,” recalls Ryan. “My mum was saying she thought our family was cursed.” 

The nine-week course was gruelling; Sean took it badly. After each dose he’d be violently ill. But by the end of 2018 both twins were in remission. 

Readjusting to a normal life was difficult. “I suffered the worst after-effects,” admits Sean. “It was the worst time of my life, if I could just forget and never think about it again I would.” 

For Ryan though, the scars have been deeper. His treatment left him with some deafness and fatigue. Most upsetting for him though has been infertility. “I teach reception, I love kids and I’ve always wanted a family,” he says. “I’ve talked about it my whole life. It’s very tough.” 

His disappointment was compounded when Sean and his girlfriend, Sophie, were surprised to find themselves expecting. “When it happened for him there were mixed emotions – excitement, happiness, and upset and jealousy,” says Ryan. “I felt hugely guilty: why am I so jealous of my brother? The two of us are twins and we’ve gone through most of our lives having a similar experience and to diverge like that is hard.” 

Ryan fell into a depression which was characterised by crushing negativity. “The first couple of years were difficult,” he admits. “There’s a lot of ‘why me?’ There’s a lot of feeling sorry for yourself and wanting other people to feel sorry for me as well.”

Sean, and Ryan’s partner (coincidentally also named Sophie), have been instrumental in helping him rebuild his shattered confidence. 

“Sophie has helped me get back on my feet,” says Ryan. “She has never looked at me differently or treated me differently. She kept me as me. We’d only been together a month or so when I was diagnosed. I tried to break up with her so many times, terrified of ruining her life but she refused and has been there for me no matter how much I was struggling. That has played a massive part.” 

As for Sean, “it’s a twin thing,” Ryan says. “I look at him and I’m thinking ‘he’s been through cancer and he’s not letting it ruin him, so I can’t either.’ We’ve had different battles and stories but I’m inspired by him.” 

Ryan and Sean also started Cancer Lads, a social media support group to connect with other men with cancer. “During treatment I never met anyone like me, and for the first time I’ve spoken to other men, talking about our situations and diagnoses. You get advice and community from them that you can’t get from doctors.” 

Doctors have been able to give Ryan in recent weeks a glimmer of hope: in a retrieval operation they extracted two viable vials of sperm. He and Sophie hope to start IVF soon. 

Five years on, the Collard twins can finally start looking to the future. They’ve been through hell but they’ve done so together. As they look to the future they know better than most 28-year-olds about the fragility of life and family, and how important it is to cherish it.

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