‘Why am I stuck buying gifts for my husband's family... yet again?’
I have asked my husband if he can take a more active role, but last year he simply forgot to post the presents I bought
Somehow, in the course of my 12-year marriage, I seem to have fallen involuntarily into the role of Christmas present buyer for my husband’s siblings and their partners and the seven children they have between them, not to mention his parents. The WhatsApp messages on the family chat reach an absolute fever pitch at this time of year, as the final Christmas countdown begins.
It is something I am trying to change in our marriage and to divide the responsibility for, but something my mother-in-law clearly still expects me to take on, judging from the number of messages I have from her about what cardigan to buy for my daughter “from her”, what books they are currently into and what bargains she has seen in the sales.
It is me who has to ask all of the members of his family what they would like, find the best place to buy the most stylish fedora hat and coveted toys and games, buy them then wrap and post them in time for the big day.
It’s me who has to find a cashmere scarf that my super-picky mother-in-law will actually like and won’t put disdainfully to one side, me who tracks down a bottle of my father-in-law’s favourite whisky and me who my sisters-in-law message each year to ask what my children would like.
My husband and I have separate bank accounts and I earn considerably less than him, so having to buy for everyone in his family grates a bit financially, too. It means I’m usually quite wiped out by the time we actually get to Christmas Day, especially after buying for my own family and our three children.
I do get on quite well with all my in-laws and their respective partners, but their expectations of Christmas presents seem considerably more luxurious and costly than that of my own family. Whereas my dad is quite happy with a pair of socks and a jar of pickles and my sister a scented candle, my husband’s family go all out and buy crystal glasses, vouchers to expensive restaurants and handmade jewellery.
I have asked my husband if he can take a more active role, but last year he simply forgot to post the presents I bought for our nieces and nephews. I felt terrible when I realised they hadn’t arrived in time.
I will sometimes send him links for present requests from his siblings, but organising it all, making sure he follows up on them and that they receive them in time inevitably falls to me, as does fielding all the requests for presents, including the ones for him.
Trying to work out what I can buy him each year is hard enough. He has, like his mother, a very particular taste and I have learnt over the years that it’s always better to ask and find out exactly he would like rather than try and second-guess and get it wrong. The jumper I bought him a few years ago, which is the wrong sort of wool-mix, is still sitting in the bottom drawer with the label attached.
I suppose it is better than the alternative of having no family to buy for and I’m always grateful that our children have all these aunts and uncles who buy presents for them too, but it really does get a bit much sometimes.
Next year, I’m writing a list and sending it to my husband with weekly reminders and then planning to leave him to it.
It’s really not the end of the world if his dad doesn’t get that rare Japanese whisky, is it? And it shouldn’t really be my responsibility.