Dear Richard Madeley: 'My friend's snarky girlfriend criticises him in public'

Dear Richard,

My friendship group is made up of people in their mid-20s. My best friend has been seeing his girlfriend for a year or so, and it’s never really gelled between her and the rest of us. She is quite critical of him and often interrupts him. If we are at a restaurant and split the bill she sometimes says snarky things about paying for him and he shrinks into his seat. He seems more at ease when he comes out on his own.

I’m single, but I remember that feeling of your relationship being on display to your friends. Maybe my friend’s girlfriend is acting up because she feels she is being judged. But the only thing we are judging her about is how mean she sometimes is to our friend.

This has come up when they’re not there and we all agree. Should we mention it to our friend?

— Peter, London

Dear Peter,

Hmm. I’m wondering if you’ve been watching the hotel drama series The White Lotus. There are some zinging lines in it about relationships. In one scene a wife, commenting to her husband about another couple’s collapsing relationship, notes: ‘I think some women cut off their husband’s balls and then they wonder why they’re not attracted to them any more.’

Does she mean the wife is no longer attracted to the husband, or the other way around? Either way, it’s something of a sexist trope. But is this what you think the future holds for your buddy? That he’ll tire of the put-downs and sarky remarks, reach for his parachute and bail out?

Or perhaps, Peter, his girlfriend is right to pull him up on stuff. I can’t say, because I’m not there. But either way I don’t think you need to or should intervene. The situation will resolve itself; probably sooner rather than later.

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