What not to do as a house guest this Christmas

Helping, packing and what not to bring... it’s time to be the most stylish and polite visitor

By Lisa Armstrong, Head of fashion 23 December 2022 • 5:00pm

I’ll tell you what not to bring when friends have invited you to stay for a few days – a socking great suitcase. They may assume you’ve horribly misjudged the situation and are expecting a grander and more sartorially demanding experience than they can hope to offer. Perceived slight number one.

Or they may worry that you’re staying for weeks. You’re not, are you? Even if the invitation was open ended, they absolutely won’t want you more than three days, whatever they say. If they asked you to arrive on Friday night, don’t get there at midnight. After lunch on Saturday doesn’t mean 2.30. Don’t outstay your welcome on the last day either. Unless they have staff they’d probably be relieved to see the back of you before supper.

Of the luggage conundrum. Forget the idea of a wheelie that gets caught in the gravel, mud or grass, or is so wide it damages the paintwork on the way up the stairs. A soft-sided chic bag will suffice and is perfect for rolling rather than folding clothes. Isn’t this corduroy one from London Velvet the best soft-sided case you’ve seen all year? You’ll be seeing more corduroy shortly, and I make no apologies. It’s simply much softer and cosier than denim, dressier too, but with a similar cosy, lived- in ruggedness. Also it packs well.

Isn’t this corduroy one from London Velvet the best soft-sided case you’ve seen all year? Credit: Sarah Brick

Speaking of creases and avoidance thereof, rolling is the best strategy, in my experience. Others may swear that folding is the only way, but for me that only works if you have plenty of tissue paper to hand – or preferably, a valet. Really, who has the time?

The other way to avoid everything coming out like rags is not to overpack. A little bit of detective work beforehand might curb the last-minute binge packing. Here’s what you need to ascertain: have they switched the heating on? Do they change for dinner? This is not as Margo Leadbetter as it sounds. If they’re proper country folk, their day clothes will get muddy. If they do change, are we talking minor adjustments or a full-on taffeta number? Are they planning on any excursions for which even more insulation is required?

Whether you’re a tomboy or more of a Salma Hayek, there’s always a strong case for separates, but particularly when you're putting together what amounts to a capsule wardrobe. Separates allow for more flexibility of tone. A decorative blouse and corduroy trousers will work for just about any occasion. But don’t dismiss a long black velvet maxi (both boho and heigh-ho); they’re easier to get hold of than you might think (Boden has one in the sale for just over £68).

If we’re talking very dressy, lamé, darlings, is always a good just-in-case and more eco than sequins (Boden, bless them, aren’t doing sequins at all this season, but they do have some good Lurex and lamé-esque options). High-waisted flares are good on hourglass figures, while cropped straight (but not drainpipe) legs can look very glam with heels. If it’s too chilly to go bare ankled, pack some polka dot or plain sheer black tights. Sheertex are meant to be indestructible – which they should be at £38. If there are excitable dogs around they might be worth it.

Don't forget to bring some of your favourite bling Credit: Sarah Brick

If you need to tone things down, pop on a neat cardi. Aethel’s are the dream – a small British brand using the best yarns in the world, but if you don’t fancy taking out a second mortgage, Jigsaw’s knitwear is also good this season and Winser London can always be relied on for elegant-but-relaxed knitted jackets. Don’t forget a plain crisp cotton shirt can look ultra chic too. Bring some of your favourite bling – it takes up no space and is excellent for those last minute moments when you discover everyone else’s outfit is a bit more dolled up than yours.

A quilted gilet is essential. A short one is good to pop over dresses and even blazers – you can get them in Zara and H&M for under £25. You’ll want clothes you can wear to help out – whether it’s in the kitchen or fetching logs. On the subject of helping – occasionally you may come across a host who’s offended by guests constantly offering to help, but most are grateful. It’s about showing some initiative (don't wait to be asked), not making a big song and dance when you do anything and reading the room.

Clock how they like to set a table before embarking on some major tablescaping project for instance, and never pluck anything from the garden without prior consultation, however lovely you think it will look in that empty vase in the hall. And for heaven’s sake don’t loaf around the whole time with an anticipatory expression as if you’re waiting for the next cabaret act to show up. A guest who looks as though they’re happily entertaining themselves is a guest who is not causing their hosts stress.

If you make it to the first night, good pjs and a smart robe are essential in case there’s no ensuite (Asceno’s wool cashmere robe is so plain, so chicly understated and so warm, I highly recommend the Queen Consort buys it for the King, or vice versa – it would be sweet if they had matching ones). To be honest, it could double as a wrap dress. But for heaven’s sake don’t wear any of your sleep togs down to breakfast, however well you know the hosts. Kindly remember that no one over the age of 12 is properly presentable until they’ve abluted and put on some day clothes.

Enough about you. What about the prezzie you’re bringing your generous hosts? Not just boring old booze please, especially if you’re intending to be the main beneficiary. This is where you really get to show what kind of person you are – thoughtful, or an unimaginative scrooge.

For posh prezzies, head to abask.com a new gifting website from the founder of matchesfashion.com. They have everything from Green Wolf’s beautiful portable table lamps (£340) to Poker sets (£65). Whatever you spend, it really is the (amount of) thought that counts. A plant with a name that’s meaningful to the host; handmade soaps from Soapsmith, homemade anything (if you’re proficient ), a subscription to a magazine/museum/music venue, a wine or chocolate delivery company. If you don’t know the hosts that well, you could arrive with something you can give them immediately – edible treats – and follow up later with something that relates to a conversation you had during your stay. Hit the spot, and they may even have you back.