Dear Richard Madeley: ‘Help – my boyfriend is turning into his family’s dog’

Dear Richard,

I’m spending the holidays in the country with the family of a new-ish boyfriend. He’s lovely, his parents are very welcoming – everything should be great. Except for the dog. There’s this massive, slobbery, smelly dog.

It grosses me out and, if I’m honest, it frightens me. Needless to say, it senses my dismay and loses no opportunity to clamber all over me, usually after a muddy walk.

My boyfriend adores the dog, which they’ve had since he was a child, and of course that’s fair enough. The thing is, he regresses into this really… doggy persona after he’s been home a while. The longest I have stayed in the past was a couple of nights and by then he’d not only developed a pronounced canine odour, which I found quite challenging. He was also weirdly different – sort of eager and lolloping.

I didn’t know whether to pour him a gin and tonic or throw him a stick. What are your tips for cynophobic partners in a strange house over the festive period?

— Anna, via email

Dear Anna,

Your letter made me smile. You obviously have a good sense of humour. But this perfect festive storm of slobbering dog, new boyfriend and kindly but chaotic parenting in the country shouldn’t eclipse the need for a couple of quiet reality checks. Let me explain. 

First, you worry that your new boyfriend’s rapid descent into tail-thumping, woof-woof, rub-my-tummy behaviour will ‘erode’ your feelings for him. Well, Anna – maybe it will! It’s called getting to know someone. He’s obviously part town-mouse, part country-mouse. You’re on a journey to discover which one is in the ascendant and you mustn’t be afraid of, well, discovering it!

Secondly, you say this dog senses your nervousness and clambers all over you. Er, no – the reason it jumps up on you is because it’s poorly trained. Dogs can and should be taught not to do it. Have a word with your boyfriend and ask him if he’ll try to do something about it. It’ll be an interesting ‘loyalty test’, if nothing else!

Other than that, there’s not a lot I can suggest. But try to keep your sense of humour this Christmas. It’ll give you something to regale your friends with. Everyone loves a good shaggy dog story.

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